Mirror Images
by REIDFANATIC
Summary: One Shot   Reid discusses how he feels he and Tobias Hankel are alike.  Spoilers for Revelations, No Way Out 2


"Are you still having the nightmares?"

"Yes, but not as often," Reid replied, looking at the floor and then he raised his eyes and looked at Dr. Shikita. "Will they ever stop?"

"Is it still the same nightmare?"

"Yes, it's Georgia all over again except Tobias is me and I'm Tobias."

"Why do you think that is," Ryan Shikita asked, standing up and walking to the window.

"Because we're so alike, our lives, either one of us could have gone either way."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Oh come on Dr. Shikita, don't tell me you don't see the parallels in Tobias Hankel's life and mine. We're practically mirror images."

"How so," Shikita continued to look at the autumn day, the fallen leaves being whipped into a frenzy by a sudden gust of wind then once again settling. He could almost hear them crunch under the soles of the people passing by.

"Okay, you want me to spell it out, here goes. My father left me when I was ten. His mother left him when he was eight. Neither parent ever kept any kind of contact with us. His father was mentally unstable, my mother was." Reid paused for a moment, looking at a spot on the wall, but if asked he wouldn't have been able to tell you what he was looking at. Then he said barely above a whisper, "We both knew what it was like as boys going to bed at night knowing that on the other side of our bedroom door was a crazy person."

Dr. Shikita turned and looked at the young man before him. He was a psychiatrist. He was supposed to be clinical and unattached but he'd had to admit to himself that he liked young Dr. Reid immensely and because he wore a clinician's mask, the young man had no idea how Ryan Shikita's heart went out to him.

"His father was very abusive. Fortunately for me, my mother wasn't, at least not physically. She would get violent at times but more toward objects. She would throw things and if I was trying too hard to get her to eat, she would sometimes throw the meal on the floor." He chuckled, "Maybe I was just a lousy cook. I think Tobias and I both tried to please our parent to avoid outbursts. It didn't always work."

"We didn't have dads who taught us sports or took us to a baseball game. We didn't have mom's that baked us goodies and kissed us good night when we went to bed. We didn't have birthday cakes, Christmas trees or Thanksgiving turkeys."

He laughed but his laugh was full of derision, "And we both turned to drugs for comfort and to block out the world, didn't we?"

"Taking Dilaudid was not your choice," Shikita reminded him.

"True enough in the beginning. But the moment came when a choice had to be made and we both know what I did."

"We all have moments of weakness Spencer; you had been through the most traumatic experience of your life."

"So that's a good excuse?"

"No, not an excuse but one can understand, at that moment, you had been injected numerous times; your body was craving the substance at that point. You made an error in judgment and there were mitigating circumstances. You also found the strength in yourself to get over it and move forward. Now you have to find the strength to forgive yourself. Everyone else has."

"Have they. I remember when we went to Breitkopf's apartment. JJ made sure to tell me that we don't split up, almost like she didn't trust me."

Shikita sat at his desk again. "You had both been through a very traumatic experience in Georgia. It will take time but the day will come when JJ will confidently go into any situation with you with no doubts whatsoever that you will have her back. Maybe it's that she was worried about having your back and not you having hers."

"But she shouldn't feel that way. I never blamed her for one moment for what happened."

"I'm sure you didn't, but she may blame herself and that is often worse than any blame others can put on us. Just let her know in deed that you trust her completely. Eventually she'll believe it and things will be like they were before, who knows maybe better."

This time Reid stood and looked out the window. The sun was shining through the red and orange leaves that still remained on the trees. Soon they would be gone too and winter would set in. Winter, it was winter when he had first met Tobias. Had the seasons passed already? He hoped winter would not be another reminder of Tobias and Georgia. It seemed reminders were everywhere.

"What are you thinking Spencer?" Ryan Shikita asked quietly from his seat behind the desk.

"I was thinking winter's almost here and winter is when I first met Tobias and that three seasons have gone by. Will he ever not be part of me? Will I ever not think of my life in terms of him? You know, like this was my life before Tobias and this was my life after Tobias."

"Why don't you finish your thoughts from before about how you and Tobias are the same?"

"Not the same really, actually like mirror images, the same but exactly opposite. I'm a genius, brilliant in many ways. Tobias was brilliant when it came to one thing, computers. We both had to find a way to deal with our parents. We found a way but a different one, thank God. He hated his father, I love my mother."

He turned and came to sit in front of Ryan Shikita once again. "Tobias eventually lost his battle with sanity and his mind made him into a serial killer. I fear the loss of my sanity every day and yet I get into the minds of serial killers so I can stop them."

Reid stood again and paced the room a few times, "Do you see what I mean; the same only opposite? I wonder, will I ever look in the mirror, and not for the briefest moment, see Tobias looking back?"


End file.
